Selfish society displays itself on Yahoo Answers

A 35-year-old man who goes by the username "Sam" on Yahoo Answers, posted about his marital problems with his wife, 33, in the Marriage and Divorce section to seek advice from anyone who is willing to provide it. He explained that he has been married to her for 11 years, has four kids, but that they separated three times throughout the marriage and two of the times were for three years. During the separation he dated other women and said he was happy with them. He explained that they sleep in different rooms nor talk very much. When they do talk, he said, they only talk about gossip or television, nothing "deep". They also do not kiss nor hug each other, take vacations, nor have any friends. He said he was not happy with the marriage but that he knew he could do better and because of the children, he was not going to leave the marriage but he doesn't want his kids to think this is what love is. When he asked for advice to repair the relationship, he stressed that he wasn't going to leave his kids. The following are the answers he received:

(posted without spelling or grammar corrections)

Anya: you're completely contradicting yourself. first you say you're not happy at all and cant connect with her. then you say tell me how to make this work. you cant have it both ways...and you're right that you dont want your kids to think this is what love/marriage is. you need to move on. for your sake and hers and the kids. they know that there are problems and they know that there's no real intimacy. you're right that they are going to think this is what life is if you dont show them better.

also-- leaving your marriage is not the same as leaving your kids. you'll always be there for them.

A guy: You aren't doing your kids any favors by staying in an unhappy marriage. Sure, no kid ever wants their parents to be divorced, but having 2 parents that don't show each other love is no better. My parents were (and still are) the way you describe your own marriage when I was a teen. They sleep in separate rooms... They never talk... They have very little to do with each other... In hindsight, I would rather see my parents remarried into happy loving relationships rather than staying together unhappily for my siblings and I (my siblings are still teens... I'm 28). Kids aren't as naive as you think...

Liz O: Seriously, you are not doing your children any favors by staying in an unhappy relationship. If I were you I'd talk to your wife and explain to her how you're feeling. From what you've said, it sounds like she feels the same as you. Make an agreement of joint custody and get a place very close to her house so your children can have easy access to you and your place. You'd both be better off being the best parents you can be and that will only happen when you are both living happily. (I've lived in an unhappy marriage for exactly the same reason and my children are now grown. They have now told me how unhappy they were although we didn't argue in front of them, they could feel the tension and therefore weren't happy either. They said that divorcing was the best thing that I did for them. That was hard for them to admit, but in the end, that's what they both agreed on. I'm now remarried and have been with my husband for 13 years now....and I am happy.) Good luck. I hope this helps you.

hlnlange: You pretty much answered your own question. You are not happy - you are certain that you can be happier with someone else but you don't want to leave your kids - so your going to stay.

That just doesn't make sense. Why on earth would you choose to be unhappy for the next 15 years. Your children are happy when you are happy. Look after yourself first and then you will be able to give your children all the happiness they could ask for.

Staying in a loveless marriage "for the children" is NEVER a good idea.

Star: I understand not wanting to leave your kids SAM, but what are your kids learning from watching you and your wife. It is important for children to be in a LOVING home and be able to see what Marriage is all about. How about getting a divorce and finding your own place and getting Joint custody. That's where you share them 50/50 Half the week you have them and half the week she has them. Then you have the kids still and then half the week can be with them and half the week can be spent with a special someone. Sounds like you and your spouse would be happier. I bet the kids would be too. Maybe not at first but in the long run they would be. Because this relationship like it is now is only going to get worse and more painful.